Over the last year, I’ve done quite well in pushing myself and beating my anxiety, I’ve had several meetings, events, networking, met new people and gone to new places.
BUT, the weekend just gone was the National Grassroots Show 2025 in Birmingham, it’s the first time the event has been held, and it’s something that I and MHFC would’ve benefited massively from.
I know the people who run it as they’re fantastic people doing fantastic things for grassroots football, and they’re based in Doncaster.
They actually asked if me and MHFC could go, but I explained about my anxiety and they respected the situation.
I’m a little frustrated that I haven’t been able to go, but I felt it would’ve been too much and I wouldn’t have been able to be relaxed at the event, benefit from the event and make it worthwhile.
There were a few anxiety triggers for it, but all came from the travel, which is my biggest anxiety trigger.
If the event had’ve been in Doncaster, I would’ve been there all weekend, as I know if I’m struggling, I’m near home and I know the area and there would be very little travelling.
Even if it was in South Yorkshire, I may have struggled a little, but I’d have gone as I know it’s within 30mins – 1hour of travelling.
The best way to describe the impact of travelling is if I had a teleport device and could teleport to the hotel and back from the hotel, I’d be fine and a lot lot more relaxed, as I know the stressful part has been taken away.
With it being in Birmingham, to go to the event and feel relaxed enough at the event, I would’ve had to do the following-
– Book a hotel close to the venue for Friday, Saturday, Sunday, to check out on Monday
– Travel down Friday morning to get the travel done as early as possible, and check into the hotel as soon as possible so I can start to relax
– Even with the hotel, though, I would still worry that due to the drive on Friday, I’d wake up with a tension headache on Saturday, when it’s the event, which would make it so I’m not relaxed and getting the most from the event
– Being on my own, I’d worry that after the drive I would’ve but feeling very well, and I’d panic about having to engage with people to check in, if I’m with someone and I’m not feeling good, I know they’d be able to sort the check-in process
– The checkin time is a trigger, I like to get to the hotel as early as possible, before dinner ideally, but I know the room wouldn’t be available which I need to calm my anxiety, as it’s a private safe space that I know is mine for the weekend, so I’d have to try and resolve this in some way.
– After the event on Saturday and Sunday, I would be very worried that due to going to the event and worrying about the drive home, I would wake up on the Monday with a tension headache and not feel well enough to drive home
– It’s almost like to feel the best I can, I’d need to have a hotel on Thursday and travel down Thursday, relax on Friday, ready to be primed for the event on Saturday and Sunday, stay at the hotel on Monday to recover mentally from Saturday and Sunday and then travel home on Tuesday. I know this isn’t possible for both days away and cost, but I just wanted to put across my anxiety thoughts.
– I would also feel guilty being away and my Wife having my Daughter on her own Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Even though I know my Wife would be fine as she does most of it herself now anyway, I’d still feel guilty as I know I wouldn’t like it due to my anxiety.
– The other option is travelling down with someone, unfortunately this would cause different issues and possibly be worse for me, even though it helps with me not driving which is a lot better for me, I’d constantly be stressing that at some point I’d want to go home and with someone else driving there I wouldn’t be able to until they were ready, and I wouldn’t want to drag them away from the event early if they wanted to stay. But someone driving would help, as Mark has driven me to events, which helped.
Not only do I want to break this anxiety trigger to be able to attend events throughout the country, but I also want to break the anxiety trigger so I can do more things with my family that are throughout the UK as well.
It’s something I struggle with in personal life and wish I could get over so I could take or go with my family to further places in the UK.
What I’d love even more, other than being able to do more with my family, is being able to exhibit MHFC at the event and other events, but this brings even more anxiety triggers.
To be able to exhibit I’d need to take one or two of my colleagues with me so that can take control of the exhibit and I’d be there to support, I’d need them to take control as it frees me up to try and stay relaxed and knowing regardless of what I do throughout the event, the exhibit is being manned and under control.
My anxiety and not being able to attend this event and other events throughout the UK is also frustrating me, as it’s slowing down the development of MHFC.
If I went to these events, I would meet and build connections with new businesses and people in the football world that would definitely help MHFC going forward.
But with me not able to go, I’m not able to make those connections to develop MHFC, and it’s one of the most frustrating things for me, along with not being able to do stuff with my family.
Of course, I really do hope I can beat this anxiety to do more with my family and then also MHFC.
One of the reasons I’ve been quite good at beating my anxiety this year is that only a couple of things have come up that I haven’t been able to do because of travel.
If there were more, then I’d have struggled more because I’d have had to turn down more possibly.
I do hope that by the next time the National Grassroots Show is on, I’m feeling in an even better and more confident place to be able to attend and break the anxiety, so I can attend and enjoy it.
This would mean I’m able to attend more and other events and do more with my family.
Hopefully over the next year, I can gain more connections who attend the show, so I know friendly faces and feel more relaxed and confident.
I’m sorry for the long post, but I wanted to be as detailed as possible and go through why I struggled to go and the in-depth anxieties I had around it.
Talking about the anxiety doesn’t help me, but I hope it helps others if they or a friend or family member is struggling.
(Good luck to Louise, Stacey and the team, I’m sure it will be a fantastic event, and I hope to see you there next year, and I’m looking forward to the fantastic footage that Wayne will capture from the weekend.)
#AnxietySucks