I DID IT…. and with EVERYONE’S help and support!!
In the weeks leading up to the holiday, nerves were thankfully turning into excitement, there were still nerves but it was now mixed with excitement.
A week before I was due to travel, I went completely offline to give myself the best chance of going, so that for a week, I knew that nothing could stress me out or trigger my anxiety.
There were ongoing issues that needed to be resolved, but I managed to put them to the back of my mind thankfully.
I was due to travel on Saturday morning, on Monday of that week it was the only time my anxiety was really bad about the holiday and I was in doubt about it, thankfully though it only lasted the morning and after dinner I was back feeling ok.
That week, there were a couple more times as Saturday got closer that I had waves of anxiety, but each time it didn’t last long, and I managed to keep calm.
Even though I was fully offline, I was just hoping I wouldn’t bump into anyone while walking or out and about who would tell me something about MHFC and would trigger my anxiety, thankfully this didn’t happen.
During the week I’d sorted out films, series and music for the journey, and the kind of stuff that would keep my mind off the travel.
The most important thing for me was waking up without a headache on the day of travel, if I wake up ok then it’s a great start, if I wake up with a headache though, it’s going to be a very tough day.
Thankfully, I woke up feeling really good and looking forward to things, I also knew that if I was struggling, I had some diazepam that I could take to try and relieve the stress and anxiety for the flight.
I knew I was feeling ok as I was able to eat breakfast, and usually when I’m super anxious, I can’t eat at all.
The time came, we went to my parents’ to get on the minibus taxi and we were off, it’s at this point that I knew it was going to be pretty much impossible to turn back, but being busy and having people around took my mind off things.
On the way to the airport, we picked up my brother, his wife and his little boy, and this created even more distractions for me.
As we got within 5 minutes of the airport, I took 10mg of diazepam, even though I felt fine, I knew that this was a crucial part of the journey and I needed it in my system just in case, and it would then last until we reached the hotel in Spain.
We were allowed to check in straight away, got through security, and everything went smoothly, we then had an hour or so to wait but my parents had booked the first class lounge to keep things as calm and easy as possible.
We had refreshments in the lounge and bought drinks and snacks for the plane, I bought a meal replacement drink for the plane or once we’d landed on the other side, in case I was hungry but couldn’t eat due to anxiety.
Then the time arrived to fly, and the most anxious part for me, not because I don’t like flying, but rather that for a number of hours there’s very little room to move, and if anxiety kicks in, it could easily lead to an anxiety attack.
Once the plane took off though, between my music, talking to family, and my very energetic nephew, there were too many distractions and things going on to think about being anxious, I tried watching a film, but only managed about 15 minutes.
This worked really well, and I was shocked when there were 30 mins of the flight remaining and then shortly time to start descending.
Once there, everything again went smoothly with checks and getting luggage, the only worry was the mini bus taxi to take us to the hotel was slightly late, and the minibus didn’t have air con, but it knowing the main part of the travel was done, I was feeling more relaxed.
Once we’d checked in, it was time for an early tea, we all ate and then went on a walk to the sea, me, Sophia and my dad not only went paddling but actually swimming in the sea!!
The same day we’d travelled, I wouldn’t have thought that!!
We then went back to see the entertainment and then to bed.
I was quite worried about how my head would be the next day after a lot of travel and the latest night, but amazingly and thankfully I woke up absolutely fine, and I was so happy because it would’ve affected the holiday and the worry about the travel home.
The holiday was great, no emails, social media or MHFC to stress about, no cooking needed to be done by any of the family, as we went all inclusive.
Swimming, activities at the hotel, snorkelling and seeing everyone have a good time.
Sophia developed in her swimming so so much, and we were all super proud of her, swimming more, going underwater and even jumping in.
Not only that, but she grew in confidence by going on stage several times and becoming more independent.
My nephew had an illness while there, but thankfully managed to enjoy the last few days.
There was even a 3G full size pitch with a stand and dug out joined to the hotel (I had no idea this was there), the only bad thing was the only week they weren’t a lot to play on it was the week we were there.
But as you can see, we were able to use it at certain times for photos and videos, but it would’ve be nice to play on it.
The setting for the pitch was unreal with the mountains in the background.
A surreal moment was when me and Tracy recognised one of the animation team was part of the animation team from the last abroad holiday I had with Tracy over 10 years ago, when I proposed to Tracy.
Stefan recognised us straight away, and it was like we’d never been apart, he was also a photographer and videographer who did the video and some of the photos for the shirt.
I gave Stefan one of the new MHFC shirts, he wanted to put the MHFC logo on the screen and for me and him to have photos in front of it, he even left up the logo for several hours for all of the hotel to see!!
What a crazy full-circle moment, the first time I manage to go on holiday in over a decade, and he’s on the animation team, me and Tracy are married and we’ve got a 7 year old daughter.
Throughout the full holiday, I never went to bed earlier than anyone else, I went to all the shows and mini discos and never woke up with a tension headache or headache at all, which was a major win for me.
I did start to have two headaches towards the end of two days, but with tablets to ease them and then sleep I was ok, and I still managed the shows on those days.
I even had two days of drinking cider, which was quite nice, and although I was still drinking a lot of water, it may or may not have caused the headaches, so to be careful from then on I didn’t drink, so I didn’t risk another headache.
As the holiday drew to a close, I was hoping that the last full day would go smoothly and I’d feel ok while staying fairly calm.
Again, thankfully this all went to plan, and we said all our goodbyes to the animation team and people we’d met.
The morning of the flight I woke up good and fairly calm with no headache, we had breakfast, got ready and this time the minibus taxi had air con, which was a lot better.
Again, 5 mins from the airport I took some diazepam, and not knowing it yet, but this was a good idea.
We went to check in with our luggage, but the Ryanair check-in queue was huge, with everyone having to do it themselves.
The queue took quite a while, and I could sense people in my family getting quite anxious and stressed about missing the plane.
We finally got through and things started to become abit of a rush, we got through the rest of the checks and started rushing towards the gate as our flight was calling for boarding already.
We got there as people were waiting for the bus to get to the plane, we had around 20mins spare.
I know I took diazepam, which probably helped a small percentage, but at no time did I really feel we were going to miss the flight, I tried reassuring others in our family.
We’ll never know how much the diazepam helped, I didn’t feel much of an effect, but it was more of a safety net and I’m glad I took it there and back.
There, just in case it helped travelling there and coming home, in case it did help with the stress of rushing and maybe missing the flight.
Having the private minibus taxi / transfer was a huge benefit for my anxiety as I’d had bad experiences in the past, and even if it costs more, I’d rather be relaxed then have a big bus of people and going to loads of hotels.
I was still able to do everything I needed to, follow instructions, have conversations, walk, rush, so it was only a small percentage that the diazepam helped if that, no one would have known I’d taken it.
Everything went smoothly from then on, and we got back home and again headache free and without taking headache tablets.
The worst part of the holiday was actually our first full day back when I’d fully thought about MHFC and turned emails and messages back on.
Not only did the stresses that I was holding at the back of my mind return, but it was accompanied by a huge email and message list and to-do list, and one thing that certainly triggers my anxiety is a big to-do list.
The anxiety was awful, BUT it was definitely worth it by going on holiday and I wouldn’t change it.
I also woke up with my first tension headache since going offline a couple of days after coming home, which wasn’t great mixed with the anxiety.
A week after the holiday I’ve also just been to see my GP about the anxiety medication I’m on, my goal was to stay on the same dose as I was doing well and in time, slowly come off it, but there’s several very stressful situations going off with MHFC that I’m really struggling with.
Usually it would be one at a time, and they’d last days or weeks, but these have lasted months and don’t show signs of stopping and I’m really not liking how it’s making me feel.
Away from MHFC I have very little stresses, so it’s all with MHFC.
So we’ve upped my sertraline tablets to hope it helps and then in time we’ll be able to lower it hopefully.
Overall though, I certainly wouldn’t change anything, I’m really happy with how everything went, the travel was spot on, my anxiety levels were good and the holiday was good, I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
But thank you so much to everyone who’s helped, supported and encouraged me on this journey and enabled me to achieve this HUGE achievement 🙌💚
In November I’ve got my next big test which is nearly as big as the holiday but in different ways and I’ll be posting about that shortly!! 😳
Click here to read my previous anxiety posts.
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IMPROVING MENTAL HEALTH THROUGH FOOTBALL ⚽️💚
EVERYONE WELCOMED & SUPPORTED
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