Over the last couple of months, I’ve had a few very tough, stressful and anxiety-triggering situations.
One of which really was very recent and hit me badly, for two days, I was in a tough place mentally and I struggled to eat or sleep.
Thankfully though, with the support of family, friends and colleagues, I managed to get myself out of the tough place, I’m still not 100% as it was the worst I’d been in years, but I’m definitely getting there.
Luckily, Tracy and Sophia were at Legoland for the two days I was really bad, and they weren’t there to see me, and I could calm myself down before they got home.
For a week, I went completely offline and spent time away from work, with family and friends, going offline helped massively.
On a positive note, I think I managed to get myself out of the tough place a lot quicker than in previous years.
While I’m in that tough place, it’s so awful, the mental difficulties, how it affects emotions, eating, sleeping, very restless, mentally exhausting, work life and most importantly family life.
I hate how it mainly stops me from doing stuff with family, even if it’s a walk to the park or to feed the ducks.
Luckily, the really bad ones have only happened a few times throughout my life.
And now for the positives……
I was quite anxious for the last couple of weeks, I had quite a few plans, but after being in a tough place mentally, I was worried if I’d be able to do the plans and how I’d feel while doing them.
(I did miss one or two events/occasions that were directly after the bad days, but this couldn’t be helped, and they were events that would happen again in the future.)
One weekend we had a pizza night with friends and kids, then a surprise 80th birthday the following day and also the local fair another day.
This weekend was another challenging one because on Saturday, I had two occasions planned after football.
Quite often, after a Saturday session I get a headache, so I was worried about getting one and it putting the rest of the day at risk.
I felt good after football, so I went into Doncaster centre to watch the free pop-up show of ADMT, it was a lot busier and intense than I expected, and I struggled a little and came away with a headache, but Terri and Gemma who were there helped.
Having a headache, I was now worried about the last occasion of the day, which meant a lot to me to attend, it was my friend’s wedding, and I was attending the night do, after managing to calm myself and get rid of my headache, I managed to attend and stay for a few hours.
It was great to see friends and catch up, but the main achievement was being able to calm myself and get rid of the headache, so I feel comfortable and confident enough to attend.
Then on Monday, I was looking after Sophia from dinner time on Monday to dinner time on Tuesday as Tracy was staying away for the night.
Looking after Sophia overnight and for this amount of time without Tracy and also with my Mum and Dad being abroad and not available if I need (as they’re my backup usually) is a big trigger for me, I was very very anxious about it, especially after struggling recently.
But when it got to the time, I felt fairly relaxed and confident and even went for a walk to the park and to feed the ducks, car wash and McDonald’s with Sophia as that’s what she wanted to do and it took up quite a bit of the time, I know they seem like nothing, but to me that’s a massive improvement.
In the past, I would’ve just stayed at home and tried to stay calm and relaxed to get through until Tracy was home, and that’s with my Mum and Dad as backup.
I have been improving, although it isn’t as quick as I’d like, there’s still a lot more I’d like to do, like go on days out with family further away, go on full days out rather than just 1 or 2 hours, and do more with friends.
And ultimately go to events for both personal and with MHFC, and of course go abroad with family.
Just recently, I’ve been spending more time with friends as I’ve started playing padel with them and also the wedding this weekend.
Playing padel was another positive thing, it was a sport I’d never played, in a location I’d never been and a venue I’d never been, not only did I attend, I had a good time, I also played an hour of football afterwards.
My goal is to do more sports with them and attend more occasions with them.
Not only is it sports, which helps mentally anyway, but it’s also socialising and spending time with good, supportive people that I enjoy being around.
It’s so important to surround yourself with good friends, family and colleagues, people that support you and are there for you when you need.
It might be once a month, once every 6 months or once a year, but to know you have support and be able to talk is crucial.
People want to help, please talk about your anxieties, stresses and struggles, and people can help and want help!!
If you’re suffering or one of your friends, family or colleagues are suffering, then please remember that you aren’t alone in how you feel, others are feeling the same and have been through the same.
Reach out to people and try and find others who have been through the same situation or feeling so that can try and help you through it.
Reading a similar story from someone else can help massively, not only does it show you that you aren’t alone in how you’re feeling or suffering, but you can also show friends and family who may struggle to understand things, that others are struggling and how they explain it and try to get through it.
In time, things DO get better and easier, and in time you also learn more about your mind and how to deal with stressful or anxiety-triggering situations better, I’m learning all the time.
For example, if I have a tension headache before bed, wake up in the night with one, or come home from football at night, I have to stay awake and do everything possible to calm my brain down so it isn’t tense as I go to sleep, if I go to sleep tense, I will wake up with a worse headache and more likely to be bad the next day, if I stay awake, relax and calm my head, even though I’m more tired the next day, there’s a good chance I won’t have a tension headache.
And there will be more things I learn to improve in the future.
Even though it’s tough, exposure therapy is probably the one of the best ways to test yourself for social anxiety and to improve it, it happens a lot with MHFC, the toughest part is joining a session for the first time, once people have managed to break that seal of the first time, it gets easier, I get it though, new area, new venue, new people etc.
But once they’ve managed the first few times and understand what happens and start making friends, it gets easier and they start getting the benefits they need.
It’s the same for all things similar situations in life, but if you don’t have any commitments, it’s a lot easier because if you’re feeling rough afterwards, then you know it won’t affect anything.
Knowing how people feel, I make sure MHFC does everything to give new people the best chance of attending, supportive and welcoming session leaders, a labelled venue map to show people exactly where things are and also, if needed, people can message us and we can support them more one on one until they’re more confident, but we will always be there for them, as we are for everyone attending.
My DM’s are always open if anyone needs to chat 😊💚